Archive for Style

January 5, 2007

This Peeve is Feral

6:30 pm | Style | Comments: 7

I feel at this time the need to speak out against the “pouty/puckered lips” pose that America’s yoot has decided to adopt. I’ll never know how kids came around to the conclusion that it was a remotely good thing to do in front of a camera. It’s not sexy, it’s not funny, it’s just really stupid-looking. To elaborate, when I see such pictures I don’t say, “oooh baby she’s cute”, or “haha that guy is a funny guy”. I chuckle to myself and say, “heh, what a moron.” As for the roots of this ridiculous pose, I trace it as far back as an early episode of Boy Meets World. A more contemporary influence is of course Zoolander and its “Blue Steel” pose. We all laughed at the time, but it stopped being funny the moment we turned off the TV or walked out of the theater. Just do yourself a favor, folks, and smile like the old days. The Pouty Lips stopped being cute and/or funny a very, very long time ago.

September 2, 2005

My Styles

12:59 am | Culture | Style | Comments: 16

Pink shirts are fine on guys. I don’t have issues with colors, generally. It’s style that counts. Lots of clothing can be worn by both genders just fine, like jeans and t-shirts. The key is the style - you can make jeans and t-shirts look very masculine or very feminine. Other types of clothing, however, are inherently masculine or feminine and should be avoided by the opposite gender. Clothing guys should not wear, among other stuff: capris, spandex, and turtlenecks. I leave skirts off the list solely out of consideration for the Scottish. As for women, I think they look ridiculous in suits and neckties.

Some things should never be worn, such as jeans with fadespots right on the butt. You know, the kind where it looks like the individual sat in a puddle of concentrated bleach. Whoever came up with that should be shot. Soon. I’ve been involved in discussions on different weblogs about women who wear pants and shorts with words on the butt. I think it’s a cheap way to get attention (for your butt, not actually for yourself), and also somewhat demeaning to whatever you happen to be sitting on all day long. Discussing appropriateness can get way, way out of hand, so it’s not going to happen. We can all agree that in the very least it’s bad style. The list of clothing that should never be worn also includes, among many other things, spandex and belt buckles the size of a small Honda.

Kids these days are wearing ridiculous-looking sunglasses. They’re size of the classic old windshield shades from the 70s (not to be confused with Aviators), but more aerodynamic. Women look stupid while wearing them, and I even saw a dude in a McDonalds with a pair. He looked like a spidermonkey on crack. Don’t be that guy.

August 29, 2005

Death to Polo Shirts

4:08 pm | Politics | Style | Comments: 55

As I write from Grand Valley State University’s Pew campus in glorious downtown Grand Rapids, I am seeing dude after dude after dude walk around with baggy shorts and a polo shirt. Let it be law: all baggy-shorted, polo-shirted dudes are to be stood up against the wall and shot for criminal conformity.

On a less extreme though equally political note, I would recommend reading Victor Davis Hanson’s article The Paranoid Style. I was introduced to Mr. Hanson today, and after reading some of his stuff it would appear that he and I share a brain. At any rate, the article in question does a great job, if nothing else, of pointing out some of the ridiculous opinions there are out there on various subjects including 9/11, the U.S. involvement in Iraq, and even the Wishing-Dubya-was-Jeff-Davis types (you know who you are). Look forward to more commentary on Hanson in the future.

April 22, 2005

Day of the Hoodies

9:02 pm | College | Culture | Style | Comments: 5

Today’s post is completely unintellectual, as we at SIO believe the old chinese maxim: “The Bow that remains bent ceases to shoot straight.” It was a dark and rainy day at the campus of GVSU, the last day of regular classes, which put a damper (pun intended) on the festivities. The free food at the student union was, as always, quite welcome. There are advantages and disadvantages to cold and rainy days. The Hoodie count on campus was completely off the charts, as was expected. Not surprisingly, some women still found a way to display themselves, apparently having invented various small and skin-tight variations of the ubiquitous Hoodie. Being naturally curious, we are currently investigating how such individuals are able to breathe while wearing these devices. The good news is that the Flip Flop Index showed an all-time low. Kinda long-haired types were out in strong numbers today, as there is a rumor spreading that your kinda long hair looks better when it is damp. In addition to this rumor being patently false, SIO research indicates that such dampness actually exposes one to a higher risk of headlice and mildew.