Archive for Relationships
January 1, 2007
A Look Back
7:20 pm | My Life | Relationships | Comments: 6
This year I’ve discovered the joys of making New Year’s Resolutions. I never really made any before, because we all know how they generally work out. 2007 is going to be different. This year it’s all going to change. Just you wait.
Is there anything in this life that hasn’t been discussed to death? I think not. It makes you wonder, as a webrog legend, exactly what you should be writing about. I was thinking about love today - which as you’ll see by the end of the post is exactly the problem. I think that I’ve thought myself out of being able to fall in love. It’s scary, in a way. A few times in 2006 I was on the edge, right there, you know? But I thought my way out of the darkness and back into the light. So to prove myself wrong, this year I’ve resolved to fall in love - with a woman, mind you.
July 13, 2006
Honestly
12:54 am | Relationships | Comments: 17
Here’s a good question. This one is for all you smart people out there. Why do people tell you they’ll do something, then don’t do it? Such behavioral inconsistency has bothered me for many years. Let’s just get the whole “yea James but you’re not perfect either” routine out of the way right now, because I know that I am not perfect. But I try to be honest with people. Disconnect between words and actions is a really bad sign when you’re interacting with people (thank you, Captain Obvious). I came up with this awesome quote the other day, I think it will catch on. It goes like this: actions speak louder than words. That’s right people, if you’re having a hard time believing what people are telling you, evaluate what they’re doing and quite often you can come to an appropriate conclusion about what is actually going on in their head. It’s like the woman that gets beaten by her dead-beat husband. He says he loves you, but he’s beating you. She says she wants to talk to you, but she won’t call you back. See where this is going? Reminds me of another great quote I thought up all by myself. An action is worth a thousand words.
May 4, 2006
Love
1:27 am | My Life | Relationships | Comments: 7
I’ve been asking people this week if they’ve ever stood in one spot at any given point in the day, thinking that it would be altogether possible to stand in that one spot for the next 30 minutes and not care. That has been my life since college ended. Typing that just reminded me to look at my final grades. Deep breath.
It makes perfect sense that the server that handles that stuff is currently down. How ironic that information technology is preventing me from making pseudo-progress at this moment in my life. Today I packed up my drum set and moved it out of the Sikma’s place. It was somewhat melancholy, I’ll admit. Lots of melancholy going on these days. Lots of drumming, too.
My favorite thing to do when drinking wine is to let it swish down below my tongue. A good merlot caressing the underside of my tongue is something like falling in love for a brief moment. The best thing about it is you can do it again and again until the glass is empty. That’s something like true love, isn’t it? The glass might be empty occasionally, but there’s always more in the bottle. Falling in love is a very appropriate idea. It’s a descent into emotional co-dependence and irrationality. The jury is still out on whether or not that’s a bad thing. Truth is I don’t claim to be much of an expert; I haven’t been in love with anybody for six years. Well, that’s not true. But she ran off with some chump with a big nose. I suppose love is only a feeling, anyway.
January 6, 2006
Congratulations
3:14 am | My Life | Pictures | Relationships | Comments: 4
On New Year’s Eve, 2005, my cousin Michelle married Bryden Ouwendyk. I wish them God’s grace and mercy as they set out on their path as husband and wife. Bryden is a good man, and will no doubt be a good cousin-in-law. Welcome to the family, Bryden. I still lament that there was no open mic at the reception, but there will no doubt be more open mics in the future. Huzzah!
July 22, 2005
Strive for Perfection
11:49 pm | Relationships | Thoughts | Wisdom | Comments: 21
I was commenting to a friend the other night on the subject of couples going to the movies for dates. Think about it. A movie is, of course, senseless entertainment. You just sit there while your retinas absorb electrons and your ear drums get beat on in Dolby Digital Surround. Sit back, relax, and let your worries and nervousness fly away. Talking is actually frowned upon, so you have a perfect excuse not to interact on any level with whoever is with you. Then when the film is actually over, you don’t have to rack your brain for a conversation topic - just talk about the movie! Such interchanges usually proceed thus: “Dude, that was a cool movie.” “Yea, it was pretty good.” “Dude.” and so on. I think movie dating is a cheap and dubious substitute for spending real quality time with that special someone, or even just with friends for that matter.
What would the perfect date be? I’m no expert. I’m perfectly happy with a delicious steak dinner, tasty glass of fine German beer, long walk on the beach, and private devotions together around a campfire. What could possibly improve on that? Maybe if you could do something active and fun earlier in the day, like snowboarding or waterskiing.
July 8, 2005
Better than Ipecac
4:38 pm | Culture | Relationships | Comments: 12
Whilst browsing Drudge today, I came across this article, an interview with Katie Holmes about her relationskip with Tom Cruise. I didn’t know people were able to be as stupid as she apparently is and still have enough brainular function to continue breathing. If anybody out there wants to know what happens when you fully indulge your emotions without regard for reason, read this article.
I’m certainly going to remember all her tripe about how she loves him and he’s so amazing and blah blah blah when their relationship goes the way of virtually every other self-absorbed Hollywood romance: straight down the crapper. The great part about this one is, ironically, how much press it’s getting, which only means there will be all the more joke material within a few short years.
July 6, 2005
Heaven is So Far Away
11:27 pm | Relationships | Thoughts | Wisdom | Comments: 15
Time goes by faster than you can comprehend. Blink your eyes, now you’re 22. Just like that. It’s this conception of time that separates the young from the old. When you’re young you don’t realize what time means, what time does and the impact that it will have. This applies at any age. An 18 year old does things differently than he or she would have done them at 15. A 22 year old does things differently than he or she would have done at 18. This is why the Bible tells us to respect those who are older than us - with age comes wisdom, no matter what kind of person you are.
I was thinking about this last night as I watched the fireworks over the Grand Rapids sky. Part of me - the depraved part - would love to forget about the future, throw caution to the wind, and live like a crazy teenager. The problem is that now I see through much of the foolishness of adolescence, most notably the “need” for a romantic relationship. So often in my life I’ve put the brakes on that stuff realizing that it was a dumb idea. Fun? Sure. Smart? Nope. My dad waited patiently until he was 28; I can wait until then too. It’s a perspective that most teenagers do not have.
A good concept that I first heard from my dad over the pulpit was to “shine the light of eternity” on all that we do on this earth. It’s a great idea. Let’s say you’re in love with somebody who is in love with somebody else. Huge emotional cesspool there. If you look at through the eyes of eternity, though, you’ll instantly see how pointless it is to cry over it; in less than 100 years everybody you know in this life will be dead. It’s not the complete solution to the problem (another thing you might try is being content with your situation, blah blah blah) but it really helps. Or how about if you’re in love with somebody that you think is too young or too old for you? A relationship might be 4-5 years down the road, which is a long time but eternally completely insignificant. Don’t sweat it.
I shouldn’t have to say that emotions will mislead you everytime you follow them. Your intellect will, too. There’s only one source of truth and wisdom that will guide you faithfully in this life: the Word of God. If growing older teaches us nothing else, it must teach us that.
June 25, 2005
SIO News in Review
9:32 pm | My Life | News | Relationships | Comments: 10
Normality Restored: Several days after the first-ever SIO Weblog Hooligan alert, we are pleased to announce that thanks to the Nuclear Option disaster was averted. All readers are reminded that although we are in a lower state of alert, all comment spammers and malicious imps will be given a 1-week ban from SIO. In a related note, the 1-week ban given to Kevin (a.k.a. Camouflage) has been lifted.
Medical Breakthrough: New levels of cool were reached today as James invested in contact lenses. Reports indicated that everybody involved was “stoked” about the results. Research is being done into who the first person was who decided to stick a piece of glass in their eye in an attempt to see more clearly.
PDA Condemned: Eye-witness reports from the lakeshore have noted frequent PDA among couples of varying ages. This is the sort of activity up with which decent people should not put, especially when the offenders are 50+ years old. That is just wrong. Said a SIO correspondent, “if women weren’t allowed to date losers, women wouldn’t date.” It has not yet been determined exactly how the statement applied to the context.
Soda Wars: Vault, a new soda from Coca-Cola, has been declared the official SIO soda beverage. The SURGE-reminiscent Vault beat out Mountain Dew Code Red, Vanilla Coke, and Fanta for the top spot. We highly urge all those interested in soda and specifically SURGE-like soda to try Vault. As of this date, the official SIO adult beverage is Warsteiner.
June 1, 2005
Welcoming
12:50 am | Relationships | Thoughts | Comments: 19
Something I’ve been trying to work in for a while is being friendly. I am the type of person that is always acutely aware of where I am wanted and where I am not, and I want to become the kind of person that makes everybody feel welcome around them. It’s actually a lofty goal, especially if you know me well enough. This applies especially to friends; friendship to me implies that your presence is never unwelcome. Thus it pains me when some of my closest friends act as though A) I don’t exist, or B) it would be better if I were someplace else.
Maybe you think this is egotistical. “What’s so great about you anyway, Lanning?” That’s not the point, really. There’s nothing great about me, but I have to believe that one’s friends should feel welcome when they around one. Another good thing to remember about being a friend, or just being a friendly person, is to acknowledge people’s presence - say hello. I’ve had to work on that too, having been raised in the finest of sheltered homeschool traditions. You may think that people don’t really matter to you. The truth is, however, that people do matter and learning how to interact amiably with people is an essential part of the Christian life.
I believe that our model for friendship should come from (surprise!) Lord Jesus. He welcomed everybody with open arms: young and old, sick and healthy, men and women, jews and gentiles. I personally fall far short of this mark on a regular basis. I’m working on it, though. All this is not to say that I don’t get on my friends’ case about stuff, which I do all the time. That comes out of love, though. That’s because I’m a lover, not a hater.
May 22, 2005
Settle Down
12:08 am | Relationships | Religion | Wisdom | Comments: 12
Every now and then I will share some of my priceless gems of wisdom relating to relationships. I don’t touch on the subject very much, as nobody seems to listen anyway. Irregardless, once again I am here to beat you all on the head with a stick in the hopes of getting some learning into those cute little collective noggins of yours.
A while ago I heard a term the meaning of which, when used in the particular context of relationships, was foreign to me. The word was “settling”, as in “Stanislav is settling.” I came to find out that the word meant a chap dating someone who was for some strange reason less of an individual than the first chap might otherwise have been dating. The whole idea is an incredibly petty one, which places tremendous emphasis on physical aspects of a relationship. I didn’t vote for any of this.
God ordains these kinds of things; thusly, I believe that if you truly seek God’s guidance in picking somebody to marry, you’ll end up with nothing less than what God wants for you. To say that you’re “settling” at that point would be to say, “Well God, this person actually doesn’t really do much for me, but I’ll cut you some slack and marry them anyways even though I deserve somebody a whole lot hotter, smarter, funnier, and more sensitive.” It’s an inherently selfish concept. Here’s a novel idea, boys and girls: if you think you can’t be happy with a particular individual, don’t marry them. Better yet, don’t date them, either (this is what I like to call a “relationskip”). Maybe your opinion of an individual will change in the future, but last I checked the crystal ball market wasn’t doing a very brisk business.
I think it’s important to remember as Christians that God is powerfully inclined to the happiness of his people. As cliche as it may sound, he does actually want you to be happy. Just don’t forget what true happiness is: denying yourself, taking up your cross, and following Jesus Christ. These must always be first on your priority list.
Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.
- Psalm 37:4
